I don't hate rainy days. I actually enjoy them most of the time. What I hate is a rainy day when I'm sick and my husband is gone. :/ I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick and now I'm just lying in bed feeling like crap. And I thought I said good-bye to nausea when I said good-bye to my frist trimester... Ugh, I think I probably caught a stomach bug from one of my students. Those kids are crawling with germs when I see them for ballet class after school. Hopefully though this is just one of those quick bugs. Here and gone in a day. Hopefully.
So we're about 2 weeks into this stinkin South America deployment. The beginning is always the hardest, I can feel it getting easier already. I hope that means that I'm getting over that awful 'beginning of deployment hump'. It still sucks though. I of course love my husband with all that I am and wish he was here simply so that he could be HERE and not THERE. But the selfish, and let's be honest, whiny part of me is coming out today and I want him here because I need to go to the grocery store for some Gatorade and crackers and I just don't want to get out of bed. Like I said, selfish and whiny.
Sometimes I think, or I okay I KNOW that I complain far too much. Especially when James is gone because I just miss him so much. It's one of my pet peeves about myself. I really need to stop complaining. He's on a non-combat deployment. He's not going to be gone very long at all in comparison to a combat deployment. After this he's changing from a regular old grunt to a combat instructor at SOI. Non-deployable until 2015. When he is home he's an incredibly supportive, helpful, and loving husband. He doesn't spend hours on end playing video games, even though he loves them. Instead he'll play on the nights when I'm off teaching my classes. He makes every effort to spend as much time with me as possible, is quick to do or say something sweet and/or romantic, and tells me he loves me multiple times every single day. I have a family (in-laws included) who love and support both of us in everything we choose to do. I have a close group of friends, both here and back at home who are always there for me. I'm so lucky to get to experience the miracle of having a life growing inside me, and in just a few months we'll get to meet our first son. I have a passion that's been with me my whole life, and I'm lucky enough to keep that passion alive when I'm teaching ballet classes. And I have the freedom to wake up each day in a country where I can choose to live as I want, and with pride! Knowing that my husband is one of the ones out there fighting for that freedom...
There. I feel better. Sometimes I get so caught up in the day-to-day silly complaints, that I truly forget how many blessings I really have. My goal for this year (I don't really like the term 'New Years Resolution' because when I hear that I always think of stupid diet plans that don't last into February. So it sounds better to me to say 'goal') Anyway, goal for this year: Complain less and count blessings more. Especially because I don't want to be one of those new moms who complains about their baby 24/7. Whenever I hear that I think, "Well why did you choose to get pregnant and have a child in the first place?" I know I'll be sleep deprived, I know I'll get frustrated and that the housework won't always be done, I know I'll be covered in spit up and maybe won't get out of the house as much as I'd like, but I'll have a precious little baby boy. Sure I'll have my bad days, but I hope to be the kind of mother who finds the good in everything and doesn't dwell on the stress and who doesn't sit around counting the hours of missed sleep. I want to enjoy my baby, and I know that I will :)
This post is kind of all over the place isn't it? haha It's actually really helped me out of my funk a little bit. My stomach is still queasy, I still have a headache, and I still miss my husband more than words can say. I'm just a whole lot less grumpy than I was when I started to type. So I will call this a successful blog post :) And off I go to the grocery store for a little Gatorade...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Today has been one of those days where I just don't want to do anything. I'm exhausted from my lack of sleep due to stress and James being gone and I'm feeling supremely lazy. Lucky for me, I didn't have anything to do today anyway. The house is clean, there were no errands to run, I didn't have any plans with friends, and no ballet classes to teach. And so I gave in. Movies and computer and books in bed. Can week 1 of this deployment be over now? Please? I hate the first week of seperation from my husband. Obviously I don't like being away from him ever, but the first week is always the worst. I know staying busy is the key to getting through a deployment, and today I'm doing the exact opposite of keeping busy. But it just feels like this is what I need today.
You know what's the worst part of the day when he's gone? Right as the sun starts going down. Normally that would be when he's getting home, and I'm starting dinner. We'd talk about the day we each had, we'd eat dinner and he'd help me with the dishes, and then usually we'd watch a movie or some tv before bed. Maybe it doesn't seem like anything special, but it is. So now when the sun starts to go down, regardless of what I'm doing or who I'm with, it just hits me like a punch in the stomach. :( This time apart seems harder than other's we've been through for some reason. It's not like we're not used to be apart. We know how to be apart, we've had to do it so many times that we're good at it. Maybe its the pregnancy hormones making me feel extra emotional. Or maybe its the weather, I never like this time of year. I like winter during the holdiays when everything and everybody is so excited and rushing around. But January to March winter... no thank you. :(
As hard as it is. As much as I miss my amazing, wonderful husband. I have something to help me through the rough moments. Little Sam growing in my belly. Whenever I'm feeling especially sad or lonely, he starts wiggling around and kicking in there. And just knowing that a part of James is with me at all times, this perfect little boy who I already love so much, makes everything easier to bear.
This post is not exactly upbeat is it? But I'm okay. Tomorrow I'll get up and stay busy all day. But for the rest of today, I'm going to have pizza for dinner and watch a sappy movie or two. I'll think about how much I love my husband, and how much he loves me too. How happy I'll be when James is home in a couple months, and complete our family will feel when we finally meet little Sam in June. So much for us to look forward to :)
Friday, January 14, 2011
I slacked a bit on my posts didn't I? That's an understatement... hehe Let's see if I can do a recap of the past 6 months...
Before I pick up where I left off (the wedding) 1 bit of exciting news first! We're expecting our first baby!! I'm exactly 20 weeks pregnant today (halfway there!) We found out last week that we're having a little boy :) Due June 3rd! So incredibly happy! But more about the baby later... let's start with the wedding...
Our wedding was absolutely beautiful. A perfect AMAZING day! (Just a recap... We married officially in a courthouse on May 28th in order to get all the military paperwork taken care of. In August we had a ceremony and reception at my parents house in order to celebrate our marriage with family and friends) The week leading up to the wedding was crazy busy with crafts and cooking, it was definitely a DIY wedding :) When the big day finally came it was everything I could have hoped for and more. We saw a lot of friends and family who we hadn't seen in a long time. The food ended up being absolutely perfect (although I only know this from other people's comments and from eating leftovers the next day. I didn't get a chance to eat much on the actual day. And I had always said that I never understood brides who don't eat at their weddings, but there I was... too busy making the rounds and being way too excited to eat!) Here's a few pictures from our beautiful amazing wedding :)
So thankful for such an amazing day :)
After our wedding we spent some time at the beach which was lovely and relaxing and then we settled back into our normal routine. In the beginning of September I had a feeling that I just MIGHT be pregnant so I asked James to grab a few tests on his way home from work. I took a test the following morning when his alarm went off for work (at 0400... it was still dark. hahaha) and sure enough... it was positive! We were both ecstatically excited! Shortly thereafter I was struck down with 'morning' sickness (YEAH RIGHT... morning sickness is a ridiculous term. I felt nauseous 24/7) That finally starting lifting sometime around Thanksgiving as we started to gear up for James's deployment to South America, and for Christmas at home with our families.
James finished his reenlistment package and we were officially signed up for 4 more years. He was slated to deploy with his current unit to South America in January. Luckily it was a training mission-type of deployment. Military to Military training. Sharing info with the military down in South America. A short and safe deployment. The best kind! If he has to be away at least its short and at least its safe. Luckily our Dr. let us do our 20wk anatomy scan a week early and so James was able to be there for the ultrasound and we found out that its a boy! His name is going to be Samuel James.
That's little Sam's picture at 11wks. :) I started feeling him moving around in my belly around Christmas time, but I was sad because I figured it would be a while before those little flutters would be felt from the outside. So I thought it would be a long time before James got a chance to feel his son kicking away. WELL! One night I was reading in bed and James was watching tv in the living room and Sam was kicking away! So I had James come in and rest his hand on my belly. Sure enough! Within a couple minutes he felt some movement!! He then tapped my belly with his finger and said "Thank you for kicking for me little man. High five." And Sam 'high fived' right back! It brought tears to my eyes :)
James just left for South America and I'm taking it kind of hard. I won't harp on it too much right now because I know its always tougher for me in the beginning so I know I'll feel better soon. (plus this post is already super long) I just hope I can find plenty of things to keep me extremely busy so that the time goes as fast as possible. Can't wait to be back in his arms!
I think that's about it. Covers the big things that have happened in the past 6 months anyway :) Hopefully now I'll be able to go back to posting regularly!!