Today has been one of those days where I just don't want to do anything. I'm exhausted from my lack of sleep due to stress and James being gone and I'm feeling supremely lazy. Lucky for me, I didn't have anything to do today anyway. The house is clean, there were no errands to run, I didn't have any plans with friends, and no ballet classes to teach. And so I gave in. Movies and computer and books in bed. Can week 1 of this deployment be over now? Please? I hate the first week of seperation from my husband. Obviously I don't like being away from him ever, but the first week is always the worst. I know staying busy is the key to getting through a deployment, and today I'm doing the exact opposite of keeping busy. But it just feels like this is what I need today.
You know what's the worst part of the day when he's gone? Right as the sun starts going down. Normally that would be when he's getting home, and I'm starting dinner. We'd talk about the day we each had, we'd eat dinner and he'd help me with the dishes, and then usually we'd watch a movie or some tv before bed. Maybe it doesn't seem like anything special, but it is. So now when the sun starts to go down, regardless of what I'm doing or who I'm with, it just hits me like a punch in the stomach. :( This time apart seems harder than other's we've been through for some reason. It's not like we're not used to be apart. We know how to be apart, we've had to do it so many times that we're good at it. Maybe its the pregnancy hormones making me feel extra emotional. Or maybe its the weather, I never like this time of year. I like winter during the holdiays when everything and everybody is so excited and rushing around. But January to March winter... no thank you. :(
As hard as it is. As much as I miss my amazing, wonderful husband. I have something to help me through the rough moments. Little Sam growing in my belly. Whenever I'm feeling especially sad or lonely, he starts wiggling around and kicking in there. And just knowing that a part of James is with me at all times, this perfect little boy who I already love so much, makes everything easier to bear.
This post is not exactly upbeat is it? But I'm okay. Tomorrow I'll get up and stay busy all day. But for the rest of today, I'm going to have pizza for dinner and watch a sappy movie or two. I'll think about how much I love my husband, and how much he loves me too. How happy I'll be when James is home in a couple months, and complete our family will feel when we finally meet little Sam in June. So much for us to look forward to :)
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