*Yawn*

I'm tired. Sometimes Sam sleeps, sometimes he does not. His consistency is gone as far as sleep is concerned, but his consistency as far as knowing when is the very worst time for him to get into exactly something that he shouldn't is there.

Okay that's not entirely true. He naps fine during the day. He wasn't, but I tried this thing called 'wake to sleep' where I go in about 20/25 minutes after I've laid him down (he forgot about how he used to put himself to sleep and I'm just rolling with it)and sort of tickle his neck and move his arms until I see him move his head and fingers, then I place my hands on his back as he settles back into his nice deep sleep. Then he'll nap longer than 30 minutes like he was for a while there. So... naps, good. Nighttime, not so much. Some nights? Down at 8, up at 4 to eat, back to sleep til 7:30. *sigh* those nights are awesome. Other nights? Down at 8, up at 10, up at 11 to eat, up at 3 to eat, cry, struggle, fight me til 5 or 6, sleep til 7:30/8. And anything in between. It kinda sucks not knowing from night to night how it will go, but oh well... what can I do? I let him cry for exactly 3 minutes the other night when I was too frustrated to go in at that moment. In those 3 minutes he worked himself up into a hysterical, about to throw up, snotty mess. And I felt like the worst mother ever. I know cry it out works for some people, apparently we're not cut out for it though. When I'm sitting in his room nursing Sam in the rocking chair, trying not to let him roll right off my exhausted lap onto the floor... I try to remind myself that someday he'll grow upand I'll miss when he was so little and snuggly. But then I think, omg what am I going to do when he's 15 and not sleeping through the night! I do not want to sit in this rocker with a teenager on my lap! It's hard to be rational at 3am...

What makes my days more exhausting is Sam's new fondness for things he's not allowed to have. He will crawl over his blocks, singing dog, wooden beads on wires toy thing, books, mirror, rattles... and flick the doorstops back and forth for a few minutes before shoving them in his mouth. What's a pile of toys when you can play with a spring? He pulls up to stand on the low windowsill in our living room and licks and sucks on the windowpane. Yes. Our child... is a window licker... He pulls up to stand on this little footstool we have between the couch and the wall (it's purpose is to block his way so he can't get behind the couch were the books are). As he stands there he tries to pull his chest up onto it, and lifts his little leg in the air, looking at me like, "uh Mom? I'm trying to climb over this thing? Can I get a boost?" He will be playing perfectly happily, quietly, and contentedly with his toys while I sit with him, but as soon as I get up to go pee, he crawls after me and plays with the bathroom trashcan. And, judging by the way he cries when I take said trashcan away, it's the coolest toy ever and I am the MEANEST mom there ever ever was for taking it away.

Currently he is repeatedly opening and closing the little hatch on the top of his toy boat. It's loud. He likes to make noise, he likes to make a lot of noise. At dinner, in between shoving large bits of whatever we've given him into his mouth, he shouts 'Mamamamamamama babababababa mumumumumumum!' as loud as he possibly can.

He's loud. He's exhausting. But he's also the cutest, funniest thing I've ever seen and I love him :)