And Away We Go!

Homeschooling our kids is something James and I started discussing before we were even married. I was homeschooled starting in 6th grade and continuing on through graduation and felt very strongly about giving my future children the same sort of education.

Over the past year or so, I've sort of dabbled a bit in homeschooling Sam. He is still little so it was more playing than anything else. It's been nothing short of awesome to watch him learn about the world around him. He's just so eager to know things. So fun! 

He recently turned 4 and is suddenly wanting to know what letter words start with, and asking me what sounds certain letters make. He has the most amazing memory and is so very obviously ready for more than what we've been doing so far. So, Pinterest at the ready, I started to piece together a plan for the year. Nothing very serious. We're not following any sort of curriculum and I'm not planning on bogging him down with a ton of worksheets. Very much "Sam-led" learning, with just a little structure ;) 

Knowing that we will have a new addition to our family in just a few weeks, it was important to me to plan out several weeks of lessons and activities so that I wouldn't have to worry about it on top of preparing our home for a new baby. I wanted about 6 weeks worth of prep done to take us to the week before I'm due, and then we'll be taking a break. So that's what I did! 6 weeks all prepped, planned and ready to go! 

Today was our first day! It went remarkably well! I'm sure our 'schedule' and routine will shift and change throughout the year, but for now it worked perfectly for us! Here's a peak into our day! 

6:40am- Kate woke me up 10 minutes before my alarm. I had wanted to give myself a little quiet alone time before the kids were up. Lately they've been getting up between 7:30 and 8, but, well... the best laid plans and all that ;) Lucky for me, she was happy enough to talk and sing in her room for a while and I still had my time. 

7am- I did my own devotions. I use the app "First 5" by Proverbs 31 Ministries. It's awesome and I highly recommend it! You set an alarm on your phone so that the short, concise devotion is the first thing you do before getting out of bed. Wonderful! 

I did some morning chores before getting the kids too. Since it's Monday that meant getting our sheets and towels into the wash. 

7:30- Kids up! Sam immediately wanted to do school. I had to convince him to play for a little while so I could make us breakfast and get everybody dressed. He and Kate played in the playroom while I emptyed the dishwasher and made breakfast.

8:00- Breakfast and devotions together! This was a very sweet time that I think is going to end up being my favorite part of the day. We read a little of the Bible (the passages surrounding our weekly memory verse) and today's reading from a preschool devotional I bought a while back. 

8:30- Sam was beyond ready to start school by now so he willingly cleaned up toys while I cleaned up breakfast. Which was obviously awesome ;) 

Now we were ready to start! We are planning on starting each day with "Circle Time" (obviously not actually circle time since it's just me and Sam, unless Kate decides to join in!) We talk about what day it is, what season it is, and what the weather is like. Then we go over our weekly memory verse (Sam's memory is astounding! He's very good already at memorizing verses so I might choose some longer ones as the year progresses!). We chat a bit about the letter (although we're emphasizing SOUND rather than letter name) and the week's theme. This week, to get us started, our theme is "All About Me". Today was just learning and talking about how God made all of us to be special, and chatting about our family. 

After our 'morning meeting' so to speak, we'll be having some fun with various rhymes, finger plays, songs, and games promoting gross motor skills. Today we did a rhyme called "God Made Me" and then played a round of "Where is Thumpkin" using the names of our family members for each finger. 

After our circle time is over is when I plan on doing quiet, sit down activities. Things like matching card games, coloring, practice writing, etc. Today we did a little 'worksheet' of sorts all about Sam. Keeping it simple to ease us into this new routine. Kate joined in for some coloring! 

After our quiet activity is when I plan on doing experiments, sensory play, crafts, activities, etc. Followed by (or preceded by, or interrupted briefly by, whatever seems to work that day!) specific work on letters/sounds. I'm using ideas from the booklet "A Home Start in Reading" by Ruth Beechick. 

Today we used stickers to mark on our map where members of our family live (and some friends too!)

I knew our craft for today would be messy and I wanted to keep it til the end, so we did our letter activity now. Since 'A' is our sound of the week we went on a scavenger hunt for things that start with 'A'. Kate got a basket to fill too ;) Sam really enjoyed this! We'll be repeating the scavenger hunt every Monday I think for each of our sounds of the week. 

Now we were ready for our craft! Sticking with the "All About Me" theme, Sam was going to paint a series of pages to spell out his name! Kate just painted one ;) 

And that's it! All this took about an hour and 15 minutes (not including Bible time during breakfast) which seems to have been the perfect amount of time for a busy 4 year old. Future lessons might be a little longer depending on their content, or I might save some activities for later in the afternoon. The way I structured the 'school day' into chunks (Bible, circle time, song/rhyme/gross motor, sit down activity, letter activity, craft/experiment/game) makes it super flexible! We can add in as much or as little as we want to each individual section. 

I am so happy with how our first day went and so is Sam! He really had a blast and that's the most important thing! We are ready and excited for tomorrow! 

Transitioning and Our New Normal

6 months and 3 days ago my mom snapped this picture.

James' last hour or so wearing his uniform, and the last time we saw our little red house in Heroes Manor.

It's taken me 6 months and 3 days to get a blog post about our huge life change written because that's how long it's taken to feel somewhat settled and somewhat 'normal' again.

When we found out that James would be getting out of the Marine Corps, plenty of people told us how hard it was going to be. We figured they had to be right to a point, but we were going HOME, how hard could it be? 

Hard. So. Very. Hard. At times seemingly impossible. Hard for me, hard for James, hard for the kids, hard for our family, and hard for our marriage.

When I look at pictures we took the day we moved into my parents' house, I feel slightly sick to my stomach. Now, that's partially because I was getting ready to hit the peak of first trimester nausea and exhaustion (because yes let's add pregnancy and a third baby into this whirlwind of change!), but it's also because the whole process was just more emotional than I could have ever expected. We were beyond grateful for the help my mom and dad were giving us while we got on our feet, and we were over the moon to be surrounded by family again, but it wasn't feeling like home. Our lives didn't feel like our lives. I think we all just felt a little lost.

Once we managed to cram all of our belongings into a storage POD and any and all empty corners of Mom and Dad's house, barn, and garage we had to start trying to put together the pieces of a whole new life. The difficult part was finding out what those pieces actually were. 

Our game plan changed several times over the next couple months. We went back and forth about where James would go actually go to school, where he'd work in the meantime, where we'd live, when we'd actually move, etc etc so many times. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. We argued. We argued a LOT. We were both stressed out and completely out of our element. James was trying to deal with VA appointments while also making decisions about his schooling that were going to completely shape our life. I was struggling through the first trimester of my pregnancy, dealing with a a 3 year old who was confused and acting out, a 1 year old who was boycotting sleep, and feeling completely lost and alone outside of the warm and fuzzy circle of military spouses I had left behind in NC. We butted heads. We drove each other insane. We couldn't agree on the right path for our family. I cried a lot. Sam's tantrums, unlike any he'd ever had in the past, were exhausting me and making me question myself as a mother. 

So how did we come out of that? We prayed. We prayed a whole lot. Eventually I was able to let a lot of my stress and worry go and just asked God, "Show me. Show me what we need to do." We relaxed a little bit. We started fighting less. Sam and Kate were adjusting better. The horrible tantrums stopped. (It really helped that the weather was warming up and my morning sickness was starting to let up!) 

Then things started to fall into place. James decided on a school. We found a town that was a little closer to school, but still less than an hour from my family and less than an hour from a birth center. We went to visit the town and drove by a house for rent that I had found online. Kind of on a whim we called the realtor managing the property. He was able to let us in to see the house that very day. It was small, but had all the things we had on our must have list. A garage, basement for storage, pantry, yard, and it was AFFORDABLE. After looking at the house we checked out the town a little. There were several restaurants where James was able to drop applications and they were all within walking distance to the house which was ideal as far as making a job work with his school schedule. We found a children's used book store and I started feeling a little giddy. Then we found a running store. I got tears in my eyes. I went in and talked to the girls who worked there for a little bit. When I went back outside to where James was waiting with the kids I said, "I think this is it. I think this is where we need to be right now."

After that day everything moved really quickly. Our moving date was only a few weeks away and James' first day of school was 3 days later. He hadn't nailed down a job yet, the restaurants were taking their sweet time getting back to him, but we both felt extremely confident that it was all going to work out. 

We moved in on a Friday and James started school that Monday. He came home from school that day and went into one of the restaurants in town to try and get some answers. He was hired that day and scheduled to start training the very next day. 

We had done it. We had pulled together our new life. Somehow we'd come out of those months of worry and frustration and we were okay. 

That wasn't the end of our transition, but having everything figured out made it easier to breathe again. Then we just needed to accept and settle into our new normal. Turned out that wasn't so easy either. 

We actually see less of James right now than when he was in the Marine Corps. Strange schedules and missing him aren't new to us, but doing it without being surrounded by a community of families doing the same IS. 

There's no, "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but my husband leaves tomorrow and I need us to be the kind of friends who are as close as sisters. Like now." There's no "Welding student and server spouse" groups to join. I miss the community. I miss the camaraderie. I miss dinners with friends when all our husband's are gone so we don't have to eat alone with our kids. Again. It's different "out here" in the civilian world. 

We are so very, incredibly blessed to live close to family. That has been the saving grace in all this. We started attending my parents' church regularly and are starting to feel a sense of community there. We joined our local YMCA which gives me an outlet when I just NEED an hour break from being the sole caretaker around here most of the time. It has an awesome outdoor pool so it also gives me a great go to summer activity with the little ones, and a fun activity to do as a family on the rare nights that James is home. We love our pool evenings! We LOVE the children's book store in town and soon I'm hoping to join in on one of the group runs the running store here holds twice a week. I've reached out a little into FB land and joined a local mom's group. I've been busy planning our first real homeschooling year and I'm SO excited about all the field trip opportunities in the area! We've spent time with cousins and James and I were actually able to go out on a date for our anniversary. 

Our new normal still isn't easy. James and I are both completely exhausted by his schedule, but we know that it's temporary. He's not going to be going to school and working in a restaurant forever. In fact by this time next year he should be finished school, out of the restaurant business, and working as a certified welder. There's still some kinks to work out as far as balancing what little time we do have together, but we're getting there. I wouldn't say we're completely settled, but we are at least in the process of settling. 

Sam and Kate have adjusted awesomely well. At first the adjustment to James' schedule was really tough for them because he does come home between school and work to shower and change. It took some time for me to figure out how to smooth that transition for them. They weren't understanding why Daddy would come home, but then leave again right away. I know now that we need to have something to do right when he leaves for work. Either start a movie as he walks out the door, or head to the gym or the grocery store shortly after saying goodbye. 

So we're ok. This transitioning to civilian life thing has been the hardest thing we've gone through as a family, but we're ok. You have to go through hard things to grow right? You need to struggle a little in order to get stronger. We've grown and we are stronger. And with that growth and strength comes the ability to put aside all that worry and frustration from before and finally start to feel really EXCITED about the future. Because our future really is exciting! And we're ready for it.

Big Changes!

Change.

It's inevitable in life. Sometimes change is harder to take than others (like your 3 1/2 year old no longer wanting/needing a nap everyday... yikes!) and sometimes change is welcome.

In the military community, change is constant. Moves, deployments, last minute changes in training. Things move fast and never stay the same. It's exciting! Since everybody is in the same boat, everybody is putting themselves out there in big ways to make new friends or to make things easier on a new neighbor who is (also) far from home. 

We've dealt with a lot of change in the past almost 5 years (whaaaat?!) of marriage, but are in the midst of our biggest season of change yet.

Last week, James found out that he would not be re enlisting and that he would be transistionig out of the Marine Corps on February 5th. He found out on the 9th of January. So that gave us just under 4 weeks to figure out our next chapter.

At first, there was shock. I cried. We knew it was a possibility, we've known all year that it was a possibility, but still. Shock. I cried for my friends and my house that I had to leave so soon. I cried in fear of the unknown. I cried because for 5 years now (and for 2 years of dating before that) the Marine Corps was such a huge part of my life and I had no idea how I was going to let it go. 

I gave myself some time to feel sad and to feel scared, but then I shook it off and got to work. That weekend we researched and discussed til our eyes were crossing. The more things we figured out, the more excitement began to edge out fear. Now, a week after first hearing the news, it's still a little scary (isn't that true of change most of the time?) and we are still sad to leave the family we've made here, but we are EXCITED about what's to come! James is ready to go to school and do something new. I'm ready to be near our families and start building a home for us back in Pennsylvsnia.

I still struggle with leaving the Marine Corps behind. The past two days have been the loud, whole house shaking crazy artillery kind of days. I am going to miss laying in bed at night while my walls shake from nearby explosions. I think that might be weird for some friends, but other friends will understand what I'm getting at. 

If I've learned anything at all about myself in the past 7 years being a military girlfriend, and then spouse it's that I am adaptable. I am strong. I am resilient. I've got this.

And can I just conclude this post by saying thank GOODNESS for Facebook? It's a lot easier leaving behind our Marine Corps family knowing we can keep in touch with them through social media. I know there's plenty of 'Facebook haters' out there, but I am NOT one of them. 

Mama Runs a Marathon Part 3- RACE!

I almost didn't hear the howitzer blast that signified the start of the 39th Marine Corps Marathon. I was too busy nervously chattering about my watch. It almost felt a little anticlimactic. Partially because I only half heard it, but mostly because it took a while for my race to actually start. Crowded as close to the 4:15 pace balloons as I could get, I shuffled forward towards the start line. The crowd started jogging as the big red arch came into view and my heart sped up as my feet did. I hit the start line running and felt the biggest smile ever on my face. It was GO TIME! 

People had told me two things about the start of this particular marathon. 1- it's crowded. Be ready to do a lot of weaving and passing, and keep your elbows tucked in tight. 2- it's hilly. The first mile is flat, but after that it's 3 or 4 miles of long gradual climbs. Because of that first thing, I didn't even notice the second thing. Even though I had been told, I wasn't prepared for the crowd at the very beginning. It didn't help that some people seemed to be just barely jogging, and some people started taking walk breaks before we were even a mile in. Then there were the dudes who started darting off to the side for a pee break right away. Guess they wanted to avoid the porta potty lines in the runner's village! 

I kept my eyes on the 4:15 balloons and started weaving. Being short was a hazard. I narrowly avoided (very narrowly) being elbowed right in the face several times. I was elbowed in the sides a lot, and had my heels nipped by other runners a few times too. I found my openings though and eventually made it up next to the 4:15 pace team leader. I wasn't able to hold my place next to him for long (I guess I'm not a very aggressive racer?), but losing him and then making my way back up to him was a good focus for several miles! 

I was feeling good there in the beginning. Like really really good. So good that sometime around mile 4 I surged a little ahead of the 4:15 pace balloons. Not too far though. I knew I wanted to grab some water at the next water station and figured that would put me back by the balloons. I was right. I ran comfortably with the pace team for several more miles, and then at mile 8 I passed him again. I decided at that point to go ahead and make the race my own. I felt I had paced well in the very beginning, but keeping my eyes on the balloons was getting annoying, and I had my bracelet with splits for a 4:15 finish that I could keep track of.

This was definitely my race 'sweet spot'. I spent a little time on the back part of a long out and back looking for friends going the other direction, but didn't see any. Around mile 8 I started dedicating miles to different people. I had planned to do this every other mile from mile 8 to mile 20. Once I hit mile 20 I had prayer requests to take me through each half mile til the end. 

One of the first miles I dedicated was to my Poppop. First I prayed for him, and for all of us here missing him since he passed. Then I started imagining I was talking to him. He used to often drive me to and from ballet to help my mom out and we used to have the best conversations in the car. Those are some really special memories and imagining I was talking to him during the race brought them back. I could hear him saying, "Well isn't that something?" as I told him about my GPS watch and the electrolyte tablet I put in my water. Felt the pat on the back and heard his famous, "Well done!" as I passed the next mile marker. That mile I dedicated to him was one of the most special of the entire race.

When I reached mile 10 I started getting excited because I knew some of my friends were there somewhere. I hugged the right side of the road and scanned the crowds for them. At one point I switched my watch to the 2nd screen and saw that I was, at that time, running around an 8:20/8:30 pace. To finish at 4:15 I needed to average 9:44 min miles. I was going much to fast, and not only halfway in. I had read the articles and listened to the advice. I knew do not try to 'bank time' in the beginning of a marathon. And yet here I was thinking, "Well I'm a solid 3 minutes ahead of where my spits bracelet says I should be. That could help later." and I kept my pace. This was not a good plan. At the time though, I felt like I could fly. I felt so amazing! 

So anyway, I'm running along (way too fast) still scanning the crowds for my friends and then I see a Stroller Warriors sign ahead. About a second after I saw the sign, I heard them screaming my name. I think I actually leapt over to them rather than ran. I was so excited to see them! I high fived and grabbed their hands and screamed something intelligible. It was awesome. 

I rode the high of seeing my friends for a long time after that. I was starting to feel tired though. I knew I was coming up on potential sightings of my parents and kids. We had mapped it out a couple days before. Mile 11 was a maybe, we were trying to make mile 16 a definite, and then mile 18ish was a maybe depending on how fast they made it over to the Smithsonian Metro stop. I started scanning the crowd again.

Mile 11 passed and I didn't see them. I knew we were heading out to Haines Point now. The notoriously tough, quiet part of the race. No spectators, and not much sound beyond the sound of feet hitting pavement and the wind coming in off the water to our right. I also knew the 'blue mile' was coming up. The mile dedicated to fallen service members. I was starting to feel fatigued and I had all the hardest parts ahead of me. 

I kinda had to pee. It wasn't urgent at all, in fact it was a feeling that probably would have gone away had I ignored it, but I saw a real bathroom ahead. I loathe porta potties (don't most people?) so I didn't want to pass up the opportunity so I headed in. Of course there was a long line. So I just stood there watching time tick by on my watch thinking, "Well. This wasn't the best decision." But oh well. Hindsight, right? 

Back on out on the road, I started thinking about our friend Phil who had been KIA in Afghanistan 2 1/2 years prior. I was thinking of him, praying for him and for his family, as I entered the 'blue mile'. An entire mile lined with photos of fallen service members and American flags. The quiet racers got even quieter. People stopped to touch and pray over photos of people they knew. I wanted to stop and hug every single volunteer standing with a flag. I slowed down on purpose this mile so I could look at every single picture. I don't think there's really a way to truly convey the feelings and emotions of that mile. There was pride and sorrow. Relief and thankfulness. Sadness and even some anger. 

Moving on from that mile it took some time to collect myself, and I noticed most runners around me needing to do the same. I knew we were coming to the end of Haines Point and I started getting ready to look for my family again. I now had this burning, desperate feeling to see them. It started to totally consume my thoughts. I just wanted to kiss my kids and it was my main goal right then.

After many quiet (and introspective) miles, turning a corner and running into crowds of spectators again was a bit of a shock. If I ever go watch this marathon one day, I want to be there at the end of Haines Point. I would be interested to see if everybody had the baby deer in headlights look on their face that I felt on mine. 

I was singularly focused on my babies at this point. Running as close to the edge of the sidewalk as I could get. I saw mile marker 16 (my watch was almost a full half mile ahead of the mile markers because of all the weaving I had done in the beginning) and knew they should have been around there somewhere, but I never did see them. My mom told me later that I did pass them, and that she even chased my down for a little bit, but I guess the noise of the crowds drowned them out and I missed them. I passed mile marker 17 and knew I just had one more chance to see them. 

I was behind pace now, but was totally okay with that. I wanted to finish at least around 4:30ish and I was looking good for that, so I just kept trucking along. Once, while on a quick walk break to hydrate and fuel, the 4:30 pace balloons passed me, but I got ahead of them when I started up again and didn't see them again.

I hit the 18 mile marker and started feeling some weird, pulling, stretching pains on the insides of my knees. Having never felt anything like it before I was pretty thrown, but just ran through and it eased off. This is the part of the race where, looking back, I wish I had taken more time to notice my surroundings. We were running through the National Mall, past the Smithsonians and right in the front of the Capitol. On Marathonfoto, there's an awesome picture of me running with the Capitol dome right behind my head, but I barely even remember seeing it! I was half in tears at this point, knowing my last chance to see my kids was coming up. 

I've been to DC and the Mall enough that I had my bearings at this point and knew where to look for my family. When I passed the Smithsonian Metro station and didn't see them I broke down a little bit. I wanted to kiss those babies so badly. So now I wasn't just running to the finish line, I was running to my kids.

 After the Mall, it got quiet again. I knew the big party in Crystal City was soon, but first it was quiet. We were on a looooong overpass bridge. It looked familiar. I didn't pay a ton of attention to the course details, but I'm pretty sure it was I-395 because I felt as though I'd driven there before. It got ugly up there. A lot of runners walking. A lot of runners crying or looking like they wanted to (I was, off and on). A lot of runners standing off to the side stretching. I was tempted to pull of and stretch a little because those weird knee pains were coming and going, but I didn't know if I could get going again if I stopped. The knee pains were only working their way out if I walked a little at this point though. I was going through my prayer list (because at this point I was beyond the 20 mile mark) and it helped me keep my focus. 

After that long, tough bridge we hit a wall of noise as we ran into Crystal City. Music, screaming, cheering. People drinking and handing out beer (I made a wide berth around them, expecting the runners who were knocking back beer at mile 22 might puke). The streets narrowed a bit here so it got crowded again, but I found a comfy spot and stayed put. No weaving and passing now. 

At one point in Crystal City there was a glorious hose showering an icy cold must onto the runners. Absolutely heavenly. 

Once outside Crystal City I knew it was the homestretch, and not only because the Marines lining the roads were yelling, "You're almost there! 2 more miles! That's nothing! You're amazing!" I was definitely crying at this point because it was pretty easy to imagine that those guys in uniform were my husband who I was missing pretty badly at that point. Then a Marine handed me a Dixie cup with 2 Dunkin Donuts munchkins. I tossed 1 and ate the other. Holy cow was it good, but I was so exhausted and my mouth so dry (even though I was definitely well hydrated!) it took me an entire mile to eat that munchkin.

My watch being a half mile ahead was messing with my head. I passed the 25 mile marker and my watch was saying I was almost done, but the 1.2 miles I actually had to the finish were looking long. I was walking to ease my knee pain when I heard my name. I had been looking down at the ground so I looked up and there were my friends. Oh. I cried. I started bawling. I mumbled, "Can knees explode?" and my amazing friends fell into step (in their jeans) beside me. I stated running again and said, "I feel like I'm dying." What they said was better than, "No you're not!" which somehow wasn't what I needed to hear. They said, "I know." They knew. They knew how hard I'd been working. They knew what I was feeling. Then they said, "You've got this Sarah. You're so close. You've got this." They knew that too. So I smiled for the first time in many miles and surged ahead. The pictures they captured are my favorite of the whole weekend. 

Shortly after seeing them my watch officially hit 26.2 miles. I almost stopped and saved it then, but I knew it would save that time (4:26:52) as my fastest marathon time and I wanted to see what my total distance ended up being.

We were on the same road now that we had walked in on off the Metro that morning. Which made me irrationally angry. "I already DID THIS!" But I pushed on.

The sound of the crowd started getting LOUD and I knew we were almost there. We turned and I saw 'the hill' that everybody talks about. That *insert curse word here*  was steep. And all along I had been thinking the finish line was right at the top of the hill, but there was a turn and a bit of a straightaway to the finish. I had to walk a couple steps at the top of that dang hill, but then my mind screamed, "MY BABIES!" and I pushed the pace all the way through the finish line. 

I stopped my watch (26.73 miles in 4hours 32 minutes and change) and slowed to a walk, following the herd that had finished around me. I had a moment, "HOLY CRAP I FREAKING DID IT." and then burst into tears. 

We all herded (I can't think of any other word to use. I felt like we were cattle) into lines. I stood there for a minute in a daze, texting James and my mom (who mercifully told me what street corner they were on so I didn't have to truck it all te way out to the family meet up) before thinking, "What the heck am I in line for?". I asked the guy in front of me, "Are we getting medals here?" He said, "I hope so!" and, sure enough, a Marine was placing that (heavy!) medal around my neck a minute later. 

After getting medals, another Marine handed me an empty bag. I looked up at him, still crying a little, and said, "What do I do with this? Where are my kids?" He kinda smiled, I'm sure I wasn't the first half delirious and confused runner with questions, and said, "Follow everybody else and get food and water."

I got my bag filled with water, protein shakes, a food box, bananas, and I grabbed a cool paper recovery jacket that said "Mission Accomplished" and started heading towards my family. I kinda wished I had turned my watch back on to see how far we walked after! It was nuts! Probably good for the muscles though.

Finally. I saw my dad. He and my mom hugged me, but I was crying and saying, "Sam. Let me hold Sam." Of course, he says, "Mama you're sweaty! Put me down!" and Kate had no interest either. Whomp whomp. I had been desperate to hold them and kiss them since mile 12. And no dice. It was so good to see their little faces anyway! 

There was so much going on around us. A beer tent (and I had a ticket for a free beer!), massage tables, food, music, and tons if people. But I turned to my mom and said, "I wanna go. I want to go back to the hotel." so we made our way to the Metro.

On our slow walk there, I checked Facebook. I thought the emotional moments were over for the day, but oh man was I wrong. I knew a lot of oeople had been tracking me me, I thought of them frequently while out on the course, but I had no idea just how many until I opened Facebook! The posts and comments made while I was running, and then all the congratulatory posts that started coming in the moment I crossed they finish line, I was overwhelmed with all the love! I am so incredibly thankful to be so blessed with such amazing friends and family all over! 

We made our way to the Metro station and stood on the packed platform waiting for our train. I looked around and saw my feelings reflected in the tired and euphoric faces around me. That's when it really hit me. These were my people. I belonged here. I did it. I was a marathoner. 

Mama Runs a Marathon Part 2- Race Weekend! Expo and the morning of!

I don't know how many times I've started this post and then given up because I just couldn't figure out how to put all the emotions into words. I still have no idea how I could ever possibly do it. So I'm going to recap and see if I can't capture at least some of the emotions of the day! 

We (my mom, my dad, and the kiddos) got to DC on Saturday around lunchtime. We had lunch and checked into our hotel rooms before getting on the Metro to go get my bib. I hadn't been to DC since before I was married and navigating the Metro with two little kids was... well an adventure. They did great though! 

The line to get into the expo/packet pickup was so very long. Holy cow. So we're standing there (and it was kinda hot) and then I see a sign for a separate entrance for DOD ID holders. Um. I've got one of those! So that was cool. I mean, I wish I had seen it earlier, but we still got to skip most of the line. I texted James and told him thanks for marrying me so I could get a sweet ID. 

The expo was nutso. My friend Jessie had gone on the first day and had snagged me a jacket, so all I really had to do was grab my bib and check in at the Semper Fi Fund table. There was so much to see! I could have spent so much time (and oh my goodness so much money!) in there! A marathon expo of that size with a 3 year old and a 1 year old who had skipped naps that day though, not really a recipe for a fun time. We did a quick loop and then headed to Union Station for dinner, ate some yummy food, and went back to our hotel.

I had plans of putting the kids to bed and then lounging in my bed watching Netflix on my computer and eating oatmeal. By the time I got all my stuff laid out for the next morning, got both kids to sleep, and set my alarm for 3am (yikes!) I figured it would be smarter to just go to bed. Especially since there was a good chance Kate would be up once before my alarm. I had expected nerves to keep me awake, but when you're working on 15 months of sleep deprivation, not much keeps you awake. So that actually worked in my favor! Kate was up around 2ish to nurse, and luckily went right back to sleep so I snagged a little more shut eye. 

I was so stinkin excited that my alarm going off woke only me up! I had been expecting it to wake up both kids and wasn't looking forward to trying to get ready with both of them underfoot! It was really nice to have some quiet time to myself to get dressed and ready. I wasn't really feeling nervous, but I was so so very excited! Like I wanted to jump up and down and have a dance party. I'm smart enough to know when to let sleeping babies sleep though, so I refrained from dance partying. 

 Instead of dance partying, I went on a selfie spree. Because... you know... I had to do something! 

Took a sleeping Kate out of her crib around 4ish and got her to nurse a little more. That made me really happy because I knew it was going to be a long time before I could nurse her again. I let her sleep a little longer while I got Sam up and dressed. Once she was up and dressed my parents had come into our room. My mom was amazed at how awake my kids were at 4:30am. I was less surprised ;) 

We got on the Metro when it opened at 5 with all the other runners staying in Springfield. It was such a weird energy. Everybody looked sleepy, but there was palpable excitement and nerves in the air for sure! I felt surprisingly calm and just sat back and ate my bagel. A couple people commented on how well behaved my kids were for it being so early. I said they'd had plenty of training during early morning summer runs! 

Once we got off the Metro, we had a solid mile walk to the runner's village. That's when I started getting nervous becaus it was windy. And cold. Cold wind. I was not excited about that! In the runner's village though I found friends and fellow Stroller Warriors and my excitement came back! 

Mom and Dad came to my corral with me with the kids and they hung out just outside the gate. That was great because I didn't know anybody else in my corral. That didn't last long though! A girl came up to me and told me she recognize used me from my Instagram account! How cool! We chatted for a while, and I also chatted with an older woman who told me, after learning I was a Marine Corps spouse and did a lot of training with my stroller, that she picks a hero every race she runs and that I was her hero for this one! Wow! I was getting emotional and the race hadn't even started! 

The opening ceremonies were awesome. I bawled like a baby watching Medal of Honor recipient Kyle Carpenter parachute in (with many others!) holding American flags, and listening to our National Anthem. The energy in the crowd was so emotionally charged! I kissed my parents and kids goodbye (and held back more tears) and made my way out into the middle of the corral. A group of us found the 4:15 pace guy and crowded around him. To say space was limited at that point would be a massive understatement. Tight quarters. 

Those red and white balloons were being held up by the 4:15 pace guy! 

Standing and waiting for that howitzer blast signaling the start of the race was a crazy feeling. So much like waiting in the wings before a show! And yet so different! Before a show I used to have at least a pretty good idea of what to expect. Before the race I had no clue! The memory of the start is a little foggy actually because I was so jittery, but I do remember nervously chattering on and on about when I wanted to turn my watch on and when I wanted to start trying to pick up GPS. I didn't want to waste any battery and I also didn't want to not be able to get GPS until after I crossed the start. I was fully consumed with thoughts of my watch! 

I did take at least one moment to stop my racing mind and think, "I did it. All that work. All those miles. All that time. I did it. I'm here. I'm ready. Let's DO THIS." Despite my nervous chatter, I felt ready. So ready. 

Race re-cap post to come soon! 

Mama Runs a Marathon Part 1- Training

Anybody following me on Instagram or friends with me on Facebook has known for months that I'm training for the Marine Corps Marathon. That would be because I haven't shut up about it since the day I started training. Ok ok fine, since the day I registered last spring.

I knew training for this thing would take time. I knew it would take a lot of effort. What I didn't know is quite how all consuming it would be. I figured it would be equal parts exhilarating and exhausting, but I didn't realize just how much. I know that my biggest challenge still lies ahead, but having pretty much completed my training at this point (just two short runs this week, 4 and 2 miles) I honestly feel amazed at what I've accomplished both physically AND mentally.

For the most part, my training has gone pretty smoothly. I missed one long run (16 miles) due to a cold (and don't even get me started on how that missed run has been messing with my mind the past couple weeks), and maybe one or two weekly runs along the way. There were weeks when all my runs were SOLID and I was riding a constant runners high. Then there were weeks when I just felt sluggish. Heavy legs, no focus, and too much of that little voice in the back of my mind that says, "You know, you should just stop. Walk. Or better yet, turn around and go home to your couch and a plate of cookies." People who aren't familiar with how marathons work are sometimes confused when they realize that this isn't something most people have any hope of actually winning. But they don't realize that it's that little voice that we're trying to beat. That little part of yourself that really doesn't think you actually CAN do this. You run a marathon to shut that little part up once and for all.

In the beginning of my training, I was just flying along. I was PR'ing (PR = personal record for those non-runners out there) left and right and simultaneously trucking along through p90x3. I felt strong. I felt fast. I felt unstoppable. I mean, I wasn't sleeping because Kate was still up several times a night, and I was dealing with 3 year old drama and almost 1 year old tantrums. So those first few weeks weren't without their rough patches, but, for the most part, I was sailing along feeling like a bad *ss. Theeeeeeeeeen the mileage started to creep up and as my fatigue levels increased, so did  my guilt. Guilt because I didn't push play and do a p90x3 workout after a 15 mile run (I am very aware how crazy and, well, silly this sounds, but it's true). Guilt because I spent yet another Saturday morning away from my husband and kids. Guilt for giving the kids their breakfast in the stroller and taking them on yet another hour + run. Training started to be tough in ways I hadn't thought about. But it was pushing through all of that, and realizing I didn't really have anything to be guilty ABOUT (I didn't need a strength workout after a 15 mile run, I was home by breakfast time most Saturdays, and the kids actually really like riding in the stroller) that made me so much stronger mentally. People talk a lot about how mentally challenging running a marathon is and I always just assumed you get your legs strong and then on race day push through the mental challenges. I don't know why, but I never thought of how I'd be training for that aspect of the race all summer as well.

It was after my 20 mile training run that I really realized how far I'd come. Immediately after finishing the run all I could think was, "Um. Ow.", and, "6.2 more miles? Yeah I don't think so.", and, "Nope. This was stupid idea.". But a few minutes later I realized what I had just done. It was crazy. Like it hit me in the face all of a sudden, "You just ran 20 miles. T.w.e.n.t.y. m.i.l.e.s. You're amazing." (It's pretty awesome how your perspective can change after a hug from your husband and a pumpkin donut). 

So here I am. 4 days 10 hours 29 minutes, according to the app on my phone (because I'm nerdy like that) from the official start of the Marine Corps Marathon 2014. I have my outfit picked out (the shorts or capris decision was an incredibly difficult one to make). I have a nice long playlist made, with the most pumped up songs in the last hour. I'm fueling and resting up this week. I'm feeling good, feeling strong, and feeling so. very. nervous. Holy cow. I haven't felt nerves like this since I was dancing. I've had the 'standing in the wings, tapping the toe of my pointe shoe on the floor, waiting for my musical cue in the snow scene' type of butterflies for a while now. When I take the time to really think about the race, I get tears in my eyes. There's so many emotions going into this, it's insane. There's a part of me that is so very ready for it to be over so I can have a little break, and a part of me that's expecting to feel deflated and kinda bummed when it's all finished. Again reminds me of ballet. When I was little I used to cry and cry when our run of The Nutcracker ended. I hated that popped balloon feeling after the months of build up. When I got older all I felt after a run of Nutcracker was relief before collapsing into an exhausted heap. Kind of expecting more of the latter post marathon to be honest. A little popped balloon and a whole lot of exhausted heap. 

Once I drag myself out of the exhausted heap I hope to write part 2 of this. I really hope to be able to articulate the way I feel during and after the race, but I'm afraid it might be mostly, "It was just.... awesome. And it hurt. And I'm tired. But it was awesome." I guess we'll see!